Sunday, December 30, 2012
So, where do I begin. There is definitely a reason why I've begun blogging (again). While watching a movie I was hit with an overwhelming feeling that I could relate to one of the main characters. I, too, have a problem with finishing the things that I start. My mind seems to jump around and go from one goal to the next. Something sounds good; looks simple, or I believe it's going to be easy. So I jump in, spending any/all money just to "try" it out. Once I do it, the energy.. the excitement slowly starts to fade away, and I'm left with a feeling "what do I do next?" Even things that I seem to be very good at, I just give up on slowly until there just 'something that I used to do.' I don't stick with anything and in the end, if feels like I haven't done anything. I have nothing really to show for it, except the knowledge that I tried it, and it wasn't impossible. While watching this movie, I decided to give myself a challenge. Something that I'm required to do everyday (for a certain period of time) with a goal in the end. I guess you would have to know that I'm in a really low point in my life. From my finances, family, romance and career... everything is a MESS. I have to begin to live again. I have to find a way to become happy because all of this pain is not going anywhere while I lay on the couch, drinking wine, taking medication to numb the feelings and hiding away from everyone. Yes, I can put on a good front. I can look like nothing is wrong. I can cry myself to sleep, wake up and put a cold rag on my face, take a shower and no one would know the horrible feeling I have inside. This blog will be my journey. 10 days at a time. At the end of each 10 days, I'll reflect on the days prior and see if I'm feeling any differnt, any better, any happier than the days before. I need to start believing that I don't need anyone else to make me happy. No thing is going to completely make me feel whole. It's going to take all of me, to make ALL OF ME feel complete, happy and whole. I'm asking readers of this blog to please submit any words of encouragement, or voices of reasons, if they have experienced any of the same pains. I guess it takes a village of bloggers to help this blogger find her way back to happiness. This is my starting point. No Pain... No Happiness.